The Disc of Hope and Joy

Oh yes, i love to watch that golden disc of light -
as it peeps over the hill tops, and throws its light on us,
or comes up over the horizon, out of the sea -
a pinkish, reddish ball in the lightening sky...

So, i thank God for my most treasured possession: my eyes
that i would bequeath to some unfortunate blind
who may then gaze in awe, as i have done,
at all the beautiful creations that God wants us to see...

And i thank God for my ability to hear -
not only the lovely melodies from musical instruments...
but also all the lovely sounds of nature...
and all the loving words of praises from all around me...
and the daily pledge of undying love for me...

I thank God for giving me the ability of speech -
that i may thank everyone for what they have done for me...
and that i may sing praises of all the lovely things i see...
that i may say 'I Love You' whenever there's a need to say so...
and that i may preach virtue and sing of joy to the young every day...

Thank You, God, too, for the sharp sense of taste -
that i may enjoy all the lovely dishes before me...
and to tell the sweetness of a mountain stream -
from the bitter after taste of my cup of coffee...
and thank You, too, for the ablility to tell the difference -
of the aroma of roasted coffee from roasted chicken,
and freshly baked bread or butter cookies from freshly cut grass -
and to tell an orange from an apple, or a rose from a lily ...

Thank You, God, for giving me the ability to be discerning -
that i may tell right from wrong...
and so i thank You, God, for this last gift:
the ability to feel -
feelings that are so strong...
and those that last so long...
to touch the hearts of others,
be it near, or far..

"My Heart Leaps Up When I Behold

"My heart leaps up when i behold a rainbow in the sky!
so was it when i was a child, so be it now i'm a man -
or let me die...!" says Wordsworth, and so say i:
if i can no longer find joy in the beauty of nature -
then let me cease to be...

I've always found joy in watching the soft pink hues of a sunrise -
for it gives me hope for a beautiful day of joy...
i've stood mesmerised by the rich colours of a fiery sunset -
for it tells of the close of another beautiful day...
I've gaped in wonder at the lovely coloured bands of a rainbow -
for it engulfs the freshness of a good shower in the sun...
and i would never tire of watching the waves rolling to the beach -
for they are like frolicking lovers chasing each other in joy...

And i would always appreciate this magnanimous gift of great beauty -
that God had created, on earth, for us all to admire, and to enjoy...

The Little Kingfisher

Once i had a wounded kingfisher in a golden cage -
she would not eat the fish i caught for her,
served on a golden platter, into her cage i had put -
no, she would not even take a look...

I was worried for my little kingfisher -
not knowing what else i could do for her...
I'd given her the best that i had: a golden cage -
but still she sat, mournfully quiet in a corner...

On the third morning she was looking not only glum -
but the rich colours of her feather had lost their lustre...
and still she sat, not moving, in her little corner -
and i was really worried, and sorry i could not help any further...

I sat myself down beside that golden cage and looked her in the eye -
and thought i saw a flicker of life - a cry for help - reaching out to me...
i was confused, and i was flustered, i couldn't place that look in her eye -
till it dawned on me, and i could finally understand, her need to be free...!

It was a look that spoke volumes -
and told of a tale i won't forget:
that she needs to be free to fly around -
to choose the fish in the pond or river...
she needs to be able to roam free -
not to be ogled at and fed from a platter...

Finally i had understood: that all she ever wanted -
was to be free - free from the cage, free from me...
all that she ever asked for was to be placed -
back on the picket fence, or on the old gum tree...
away from the crowd, and away from me -
to be allowed to fly free, choose a fish, two, or three...

So, quietly, i opened the tiny door of the cage -
and i, i set my little kingfisher free...
and once in a while, if i look hard -
at the picket fence or the old gum tree:
perched, busily preening or grooming herself -
my happy little kingfisher i would see...

That Stranger In The Mirror

Today i saw the bright sky and knew:
that there would be another beautiful sunrise
to make my day bright and sunny - the way it was -
though the wane moon still hangs in the west...

I thought of things gone by -
foolish deeds and foolish thoughts
that brought about that dreamy look -
in the eyes of young lovers...
and thought, perhaps i'm too old for that?
perhaps, had i been seventeen or twenty-seven -
i, too, would have been dreamy-eyed,
and all flustered, with love?
i, too, would have been starry-eyed,
and all flushed up, with love?

But when one is fifty-seven -
and life is so beautiful...
i suppose one would most contented be -
to be basking in the sun, writing poetry...?
and to talk of young lovers -
as they go about starry-eyed and dreamy-eyed...?

And when i glanced into my rear view mirror -
that stranger smiled happily back at me...

Talking to that Stranger in the Mirror

Today the sun shines white,
through the thick mist, in a whitish sky –
as it often happens on cold mornings,
after a heavy downpour -
when the frogs were dancing in the rain,
in our sleepy old green valley…

And I saw her again –
in the rear mirror, as I was driving:
the same hardened eyes -
though I thought I noticed a tinge of sadness there…
the same hardened lines around the lips -
biting back harsh words that hurt, words that sting…
and it’s the same stubborn jaw,
which seems to say it all,
without having to frame the words -
no, not a word, none at all…

I could tell she was sad – her emotions in turmoil –
from the sad look in the hardened face…
i know that her heart bleeds, too,
at each hurting word – from someone she loves…
i could see that she is calm –
just like the calm before and after a big, big storm…
and I know what is going on in her mind -
from the glazed look in those dark brown eyes…

There are things that she would not say -
and others that she could not voice out, nor say,
but I think I know how she feels, for deep down -
beneath the hard shell, she’s still humane…
and she still bleeds -
and she still cries...
deep down – where it hurts most;
and she has no one to blame:
she brought it all upon herself –
trouble after trouble…

The subdued look of defeat, of acceptance, of remorse -
that I’ve seen before, is there…
and it seems to say that many other dreams are built -
on a broken dream every day;
so why cry over one broken dream,
no matter how great or how sweet it may have been…?
why not dream another dream that is more beautiful –
and just let broken dreams die…?

It's a joy to be free

It's certainly a great joy to be free -
not just physically, but mentally and spiritually, too...
for i'm sure the spirit of every soul wants to be free -
so, a prisoner, behind bars, i hope i'll never ever be...

For i love to run free - on the beach -
in the woods, on the hills, by the brook...
just to be able to run free - to stop to pick a shell -
smell a rose, kiss a caged bird - and set it free...

I love driving around, in the countryside -
up the hill and down, "over vales and dales"...
i love to stop by to admire a wayside flower -
or a tall reed, or a clump of bamboo, or woven nest...
and watch a fiery sunset over the hills lose its fire -
and that twilight moment of a rich pink and midnight blue...

I'ld love to take a walk: along the beach,
by a stream, round a lake, up a hill - even in a park...
And i'd love to do them in my mind -
whenever i'm free to let my mind wander...

I'ld like to do all these -
so, dear God, always let me be free:
to choose the life that i want -
that covers my wishes - of being free...

Another Beautiful Day I See

It's there again, today:
the most beautiful sunrise...
though without that golden cloud
with its golden lining...
it is still the most beautiful sunrise:
'coz you are watching it, too...

I know life is such:
that one has to give some, take some...
but i've always practised what i feel is right:
take what is necessary, but give thrice as much...
to make up for all those who love to take -
but would very grudgingly part with whatever that's theirs...

I've always thought i could teach by being silent,
by trying to be a model of what i 'preach'...
but alas i realise that i need to speak up -
to be heard; and to voice out what is never heard;
for i've been misjudged, all too often -
and my silence misinterpreted, as stubbornness and resistance...
I've been branded a non-conformist -
whenever i try to bring about reforms...
i've been up against the great wall of tradition, of norms -
and many a time i've stopped to fold my battered wings, to rest...

I've always trusted myself, my judgement, my intuition -
but many a time, i've been let down and proven wrong:
in my trust..., my judgement..., my intuition...
so i can understand this need for others to watch over me -
to see that i don't go wrong; that i don't dig myself another grave
in which to lie down - and give up on the whole wide world, again...

For this, i thank you - for your care and your concern -
for this, i promise to be wary, of sad eyes that speak to me...
for this, too, i'll be careful, not to accept smiling eyes too readily, too -
and for this, i thank all of you - for sparing time to watch over me, still...

"Heaven Can Wait"

When i was nine or ten -
while other sweet little girls were playing doll
i was already a thinker:
and prayed that i would not live past forty-five
'coz i don't want to be old and wrinkled and crippled -
and to be a great burden to others...

So now that i'm fifty-seven -
everyday is a bonus
that God has given me -
perhaps 'coz i've not completed my job
here on His lovely earth -
perhaps there are still some who need me here...?

You asked me about my "calling" -
if it is that strong urge to help ease a pain...
or to bring comfort to those who are close,
and also those who are near, or even those far, far away...
then i suppose that should be my "calling"
and to achieve it, i'm still trying...

So let me live on to be 89, or even 90 -
if i could give and provide what's lacking...
let me be here to ease a pain, to bring comfort -
for i feel that Heaven can surely wait...

Capable, Resourceful and Determined - that's you

Now i know - just exactly how capable,
resourceful and determined you are...
now i realise - that if i were in trouble -
help would be very near, and all resources you'll gear...
for now i know - you are a fighter, just like me -
and a winner, too - for a winner does not quit,
even when the odds are overwhelming -
even when the road is rough and victory seems impossible...

Now i know, for sure, how exactly well
you could plan your moves -
and how you would never give up trying, never quit...!
now i know, that you have mastered all the skills -
and that i needn't worry you'll ever be 'bullied',
for you are able and more than capable -
resourceful, and certainly most determined,
and a real fighter, never a quitter...

So, i can rest assured that i have done my part -
and need worry no more, for somewhere along the way,
that little gem of mine has grown into a great diamond:
most capable, very resourceful and really determined...!

The day has come

I've always been playing the part of mother dove:
giving advice, giving love and care, aplenty -
trying to be a living model for the young;
trying to do whatever that seems impossible -
to be a fighter, not a quitter,
for i know, deep down, the line that says:
"the true winner is not the one who wins -
but the one who does not quit"!

But lately, my little dove has raised herself -
and spread her wings, and flapped them hard,
and taught me to see the world in a different light:
to give to the world of needy kids - not just one
the love and care that i have, aplenty...
my little dove is telling me this:
to be magnanimous is to be unselfish -
and to put others' comforts before mine, always...

My little dove is telling me -
to raise above my own selfish needs and be free
to give to the world at large, who needs to be loved -
all the love that i have, not just to one...

My little dove has grown up -
with a very strong sense of what is right,
and what is certainly very, very wrong -
and telling me what i'm doing is so, so wrong:
to place my love on one lonely heart -
when the rest of the world needs it more...

I know you've tried

Gem of my very heart:
i know you care
and i know you have tried hard
to help me find my way
to see me safely home
home to where i belong...

I know you are hurt
caught in between - sandwiched;
i know i'm the cause of the hurt
and i'm sorry that i cause others to be so hurt
by the things that i'd blurt -
and the things that i don't blurt...

I'm sorry, i'm sorry,i'm truly sorry -
that it has to come to this:
that i cause others to be really hurt...
i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm truly sorry,
that i cause misery to one so young - i hurt...

Dear God,
Have i been utterly selfish to want to carry on?
have i ever gone wrong, without realising that i'm wrong...?
do i need to find happiness, at others' expense?
or do i call it quits - relieve them of their misery...?

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood one day"

When "two roads diverged in a yellow wood one day" -
i had to come to a decision: i had to choose;
for i can't just stand there as it was getting dark-
nor can i just sit on the fence, and wait to be rescued...

So i took a long, great look down each path -
hoping to make the right choice, and not regret;
and i contemplated; and i thought deeply -
for i know each road is not an easy road to travel:
one is full of crevices and sharp pinnacles -
the other is filled with prickly thorns...

But i cannot be at sixes and sevens:
i had to choose; and choose i will;
So God help me to be strong -
that i may choose to live my life the way i deem fit;
and God help me if i am wrong -
for it hurts equally, whichever path i take...

I suppose it is Destiny's game, for us to play -
a test - to see what binds, and what destroys...?
it is Destiny's game - a test for us -
to see how we handle a problem of the heart...?
it's Destiny's game, to see who gets the favours -
and who gets hurt, While Destiny sits back and smiles...?

"Your friend is your field which you sow with love"

My friend, is my field which i sow with love -
and reap with thanks giving, says Kahlil Gibran...

Well, i suppose it's true: you are the field -
on which i sow with love, and reap with thanksgiving...

But something must be wrong:
'coz you have sulked for so long...
even though i had tried to explain -
i don't think you had tried to listen...
'coz it's just unlike a friend to sulk for so long -
this field that i had sown with love for so long...

And i was sad at the thought -
that something must really be wrong...
for a field that i have sown to sulk for so long -
and to even refuse to accept the olive branch
that i had extended to her, not once but twice -
and it is unlike her to be so stubbornly sore for so long...

I feel it is unlike her to be so angry for so long -
and it saddens me a great, great deal, to be so sorely wronged...

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere"

Now i finally understand what Rumi had said
about "lovers not meeting each other somewhere -
but that they are in each other all along..."
now, you've made me understand:
that love was there all along -
it was only i who was blind...

For i've lived all these years apart -
without a thought, without a tinkle,
without the urge to sit back and wonder
or marvel at that steadfast love
that has always been there -
it was only i who was blind...

For if you could love me so much, for so long -
then i should have been the happiest gal around...
but it was not to be, 'coz it was i who was blind...
till God took pity on us, and intervined:
and i wasn't blind any more, 'coz i finally saw
the one who had loved me so well, for such a long,long while...

So, now i do understand, that lovers don't finally meet, somewhere -
they're in each other all along, waiting to be discovered...

"If We Wait For Our Hand To Stop Shaking"

When i was younger,things were a lot more different -
i was scared to speak up - for fear of saying the wrong things,
i was afraid of making mistakes - and scared of being ridicued,
i was scared of everything - my face and my pride were paper thin...

But now that i am much older, i find myself much, much bolder -
i throw caution to the wind - it bothers me not what others think,
i do what i deem is right - regardless of what others would say,
i speak up and be heard - the truth must be known, whatever the cost...

So, regardless of what others say - i'll have things done my way -
i'll never give up what is rightly mine - though the whole world objects,
and i'll not wait for my hand to stop shaking, and trembling,
before we open the door to happiness - or it will never be done...

Taking life one day at a time

When one is fifty-seven -
one has learnt to take life
one day at a time -
nothing more, nothing less...

When one is in love at fifty-seven -
one learns to do it
one step at a time -
nothing more, nothing less...

For now, at fifty-seven -
anything could happen, anytime...
and when life is so fragile -
it is more so at fifty-seven...

And if love happens to come by -
at the late age of fifty-seven,
then i'll just take it -
one step at a time...

Remembering friends in Bandung

Once in a while i can't help but remember you -
all my dear friends in beautiful Bandung...
once in a while i wish i were there -
sharing a meal with your family,
getting a ride to SMP Negeri 2, Bandung -
and laughing all the way...

For you have been kind to me -
a stranger to your land...
you have shown your best to me -
a stranger under your roof, you befriend...
you have given your best to me -
and in the nine days we were great friends...

So, like the others, i'm waiting patiently each day -
for you to come to see me - here in my homeland...
so that we could show you the sights and the smells -
go for rides over meadows and climb the hills...
so we could your hearts fill with joy and happiness -
to be in our jovial company, my lovely friends from Bandung...

It was with a heavy heart that we part -
but heavier still were our bags,
filled with all your gifts of love -
for us to bring home - together with the memories...
of how really warm and friendly you could be -
to a stranger like me - whom you'd just set eyes on...

so, my lovely friends from the beautiful city of Bandung:
thank you for all that you have done for me...
thank you is all that i can think of to say -
for the joy of kinship...
and the arm of friendship -
that you have stretched across the seas...

"No cloud lasts forever" -

"No cloud lasts forever, neither is there
such a thing as eternal sunshine;"
How true, and real the truth of this statement lies,
so like her, i take consolation in the next two lines:
"From the darkest night
the most beautiful morning is born..."

For i've been through such trying times and survived -
through the consolation that nothing is forever - good or bad;
so i've learnt to take everything in my stride -
swallow down the bitter medicine and enjoy the ride...!

"Human life is a true reflection of the life of nature;
what we must pray for day and night is strength"
True again - we must "not pray for an easy life -
but pray to be a strong person" - and set things right...

We must also put to memory yet another piece of advice
so as not to throw caution to the wind:
"But the rain which makes the leaf and bud of one plant burst forth,
beats another into the earth, where it rots..."
for we are only human - and humans differ, one from the other -
so whatever that works well for one of us,
may well be the very poison that kills the other -
so we have to learn to be discerning to know what works, what doesn't...

What "men have always asked" -

I've always asked this -
"Why does the sun shine on me?"
when the day is as beautiful as today -
have i done something good to deserve this?

Have i helped a fellow man -
someone in need or in pain?
have i said a word or a line -
that consoles, and soothes away his pain?

Have i done what i should, and more -
to get this favour, of a sunny, sunshine day?
is there more that i should do, or should have done -
to keep the sunshine shining my way, brightening up my day?

And if rain clouds form on my horizon -
does it mean that i have done a great wrong?
if it pours and storms and wreaks havoc and destroys -
does it mean that i have commited a great sin?

Would someone be there to tell me if i'm wrong -
or do i have to find out for myself, and right the wrong?
Would it do for me to just say i'm sorry, that i'm wrong -
or do i have to find ways to atone for that error, that wrong?

I would like to know where i've gone wrong, if ever i'm wrong -
and i would really want to right that wrong, say i'm sorry and all;
for i feel that a wrong that is left to fester and blister all along -
would most likely cause a cancerous tumour, and be fatal, before long...

So i'd like to say what had been said before:
"O my sun, my golden sun! I shall strive to live
so that i may be worthy to be shone upon,
and tended and warmed by your light..."

It is not just looks

When one is young - a green horn, or a green salad -
one goes for looks when looking for a love interest,
but when one has blossomed and aged and experienced -
one realises that it is not looks but character that counts...

For looks can change, and looks can deceive -
but a person's character is a more stable guide,
for it shows when love can be steadfast and true -
in the quest for true love, in the quest for endurance...
and it is the character that determines how much to give -
or how little to receive; how to love, and how to sooth...
and it is the character that knows the depth of sacrifice -
and would willingly do it - for the intensity of its love...

So, i'll rather have a man of character who loves -
than one with great looks, but a heart of stone...

You are the reason

Life is such -
that sometimes it is hard to go on...
when things get rough, and life gets tough -
not once, not twice, but all the time...

When things just seem to bore one down -
and people seem to be just too cold,
just too heartless, just too unfeeling -
and uncaring, much too often...
So much so it hurts no more -
'Coz the heart seems to have hardened itself...

So, though i have stopped crying at funerals -
a sad movie, or a sad song, still brings out a tear...
for the heart that bleeds once, so long ago -
still remembers the pangs of love, so long ago...
and still bleeds for that lost love -
and a pair of sad eyes, so long, long ago...

But lately that very hardened heart seems to have softened -
touched by a love so steadfast and so true...
softened by a tender touch, to the heart string -
so that love flowed freely again...
after such a long, long while -
of being hardened to the sufferings of the world...

Lately, life seems to be beautiful again -
and love seems to fill my days with joy again...
for knowing that you are there to love and be loved -
gives every reason to go on living and loving again...