Sharing all I Have Gained

I didn't realise that i do have a lot to share:
a pool of experience gained and acquired,
through all the long years of striving -
to excel in what i do best: human relationship...

I would like to share all that i've gained -
in the hope that i could help a friend or fellow man,
do his best and produce the best he can -
that a keen ear and a willing heart can achieve...

I would like to give my all - not just when called
but whenever and if ever there is a need...
'Coz in the process of sharing i do gain
what you have and what you know as well...

So, dear friends, come to me if you need to know
that we may gain as we share what's best

You Touch My Life So Softly

You touch my life so softly -
like a song in the night;
You touch my life so tenderly -
with words of encouragement,
motivation and support -
not criticism, not scorn,
neither disapproving all my thoughts,
nor objecting to all that i say
neither rejecting all that i plan
nor all the ideas that i present...

You touch my life so subtlely -
that i notice not what you have done;
you touch my life so strongly -
that i finally understood you do feel for me,
and that you do actually understand me:
what i like and what i don't,
what i feel for and what i don't;
and what makes me tick, or roar,
and what makes me sick to the core;
what makes my heart sad and sore,
what makes my spirits fall or soar...

You touch my life -
'coz you understand me, and my need
to spread out my wings -
and to touch the sky...

you touch my life -
like nobody else has done before...

Alone

"Alone is me when i'm not with you" -
how sad!
"Alone is standing and watching the clock,
and it doesn't go anywhere" -
how frustrating!
"Alone is sitting on a bench" - in the park,
"and thinking your own thoughts" -
no you to hold my hand... how lonely!
"Alone is when everybody is having fun,
and you are not" -
just wandering around missing you - oh dear...!
"Alone is eating by yourself,
and even your favourite food isn't good" -
and i can't even eat yours for you - if only i could...!
"Alone is people watching: short people, tall people,
big people, small people" -
but there's "no you...!
no best-of-all-people" - no you!
no only desirable people - no you!
'And no one to share your umbrella,
when it rains -
is terribly, terribly alone"...!

"Alone is a soda,
with an extra straw" -
waiting for you...
Alone is "watching TV,
with no one to keep you company" -
to hold you when Dracula shows his fangs...
or to laugh with you when Charlie Chaplin appears...
"And being sad,
without someone to cheer you -
is the worst kind of being alone"...
that is the loneliest alone...!

"Alone is an empty seat beside you"in the cinema -
"no one on the other end of your lonely hand"...
to cling to for comfort, and for tender loving care...!
Alone is watching happy couples walking by,
hand in hand, smile for smile -
that is really feeling you are all alone...!

For "a joke with nobody to laugh at it",
becomes a dry joke -
mirthless and desert dry...!
"A secret with no one to share it",
is no secret at all -
for it takes away the fun of secrecy...!

"Alone is a lot of things",
big and small, huge or tall;
"Alone is one - where there should be two":
you and me...
"Alone is lonely me -
when i'm not with you"...

Alone is missing you -
so, so wretchedly... so, so terribly...
and that is the worst feeling -
of being all, all alone...

Life In Our Golden Age

This is the age we've been looking forward to,
the age we've been waiting for -
all our working life...
for it is that time of our life
when we are able to do what our heart desires -
not what the whole world dictates...

For as i approach this coveted moment in life
i find a calmness in my heart, in my soul,
i find peace in my life and a patience
that was never there in my youthful days...
for a youth will not tarry, nor stop to quiry
a youthful heart will live life seeking glory
and there was nothing to ever worry -
and loving is with such intensity...!

But now as i reach this golden age in life
i tend to take things easy - not full of fury!
i tend to sit more and contemplate more -
something that a fast track life would never carry;
i tend to wake up each morning to look at the sky:
a sunrise with all the promise of a beautiful day,
i tend to admire the sunset with its coat of glory;
i look up at the night sky to see the smiling moon -
and know that two little stars would be shining in my eyes...

i look at love and happiness as i look at life:
still full of passion and intensity -
yet full of care and appreciation,
and a lifetime of promises to enjoy, with you...

Finding Love In My Heart

I've traversed that long journey -
to find peace in my troubled soul,
and now i've come back -
with a new outlook on life...

I've changed, no doubts about that:
from being at sixes and sevens
I'm now where i should be -
at the peak of happiness,
at the pinnacle of success,
at the point in life
where the path i take in life
is a path of joy - colourful and beautiful,
with lovely flowers to line the way,
and sunny skies, and white clouds sailing by...

For i have found myself:
i have found love in my heart,
peace in my soul -
and joy in my life, every day, with you...

All I need is to go off somewhere

Yes, i'ld love to make that journey
to a quiet place so far, far away from home -
when i need to be alone,
when i need to nurse my wounds...
when i'm at war with the world,
or when i just need to take a walk -
just to think and to ponder,
just to to get back on my feet again...

For this is a skill i've acquired,
through years of wear and tear:
I've learnt to patch my wounded heart -
and stitch up all the tears,
till it becomes whole again;
and i am able to step out,
into the world again;
and put on that smile on my lips -
and wait for it to touch and oil
the chains to my eyes, my heart -
so that i'll be better able
to really smile:
from my lips,
to my eyes,
and feel it in my heart...

I'll Just Think of the Happy Things in Life

Let's see...:
a walk on the beach on a sunny morning
almost always makes me happy...
with the birds chirping happily in the trees
and the fluffy clouds sailing by...
That's happy...
Then i'll think of friends who care:
who have always treated me well -
that would surely comfort and console,
and bring the smile back to my heart....
lastly, i'll just tell myself,
as i've done so often before:
that it's silly to be sad
when the world is full of joy
and life is so short, especially now
that one is closer to sixty than yesterday...

So, my friend, worry not for me:
for i am able to console myself
better than anyone else can do;
so if you see me now
you'll not be able to tell
that i have been sad and blue...

Feeling Sad and Blue

I've not felt like this
for a long, long time -
(something like for the past
one and a half months...)
i've not felt so miserable
and so, so, unconsoleably sad
for a long, long time...
I just wish i could cry...
but i can't - i just can't
i've grown that armour, that shell,
that shield around me again...
hardened on the outside,
vulnerable inside -
and find it an effort to even force a smile...

I've been sad and miserable before -
so it makes no difference to be sad
or miserable one last time -
till the next last time comes...

"You and I and Yesterday"

"Man is the only creature whose emotions
are entangled with his memory..."
That's the universal truth of it all,
that's the cause of heartaches and fall,
all the pleasures and treasures to recall...

For, "Bitter or sweet, we don't want
any part of life to be really over;"
Forty years..., or even sixty...
we'ld try to reach down
to the depths of our memory
to relive each sweet or bitter moment
that time and space would not forget,
that our heart would not let rest or let go...

For we are creatures with emotions,
which are entangled with our memories...

"The Pitfalls of Romantic Love"

"Romantic love - often unrequited and bittersweet -
can confuse the real meaning of caring", you said:
People don't live as two lovers
silhouetted on a beach
walking hand in hand into the sunset -
except on holiday;
Rather, they are at close quarters,
where they can see
each other's pimples,
wrinkles and sags...

"Such people try to grasp a mirage -
rather than the real person"...
How true - for i, too,
fall into this category
of wanting romantic love:
not wanting to believe
that "partners who pursue this fantasy
never seem to find each other"...

"What are the qualities you enjoy in each other?"
you'ld ask, and say "Hold on to those
as a basis of contact for both of you:
the here and now can bring pleasant experiences -
then love takes on known realities,
and liking, caring, and sharing
become part of intimate concerns"...

"Partners in marriage must allow
space between themselves" you'ld say,
"so that their relationship can breathe":
and "caring is letting go -
not holding on..."

Now i know why i love you more
and you are more romantic
when on a relaxing holiday...
and when we walk along the beach
in Phuket or Krabi, Bali or Ferringhi
your hand would want to reach out
and hold mine - more often
than when crossing a busy street,
anywhere else in the city,
after a long day's work is done...
and you seem to smile more,
and i thought the stars shone in your eyes;
and laugh out loud, like you used to;
scold less, and fret less,
love me more, not less -
when on a holiday...

If that be so - then let's pack up
leave all our woes behind - and go for a holday!

Beautiful Day

Every morning when i awake
i make it a must to look out
at the beautiful sky
with the promise of
yet another beautiful day...

For as one grows older,
and life seems sweeter -
it is imperative
to just take a look at the sky
and be assured that today
will be beautiful - just like yesterday...

Even now as i sit and wonder
my thoughts will surely wander...
to a place on earth that i treasure
and picture in my mind, with great pleasure:
a face in my heart that i treasure
and picture in great measure:
his thoughts and his mind,
what brings him joy, what would anger...?
what brings him pleasure,
and what he'll treasure...?

Would my words bring him immense pleasure -
or would it trigger intense displeasure...?
would he forgive me any error -
or would he fill my heart with terror...?
sometimes i just sit around and i just wonder -
at life i marvel; at him i think with pleasure...

Sometimes i just sit around and i just wonder -
it is true that he really cares...?
or is it just a passing fancy that ends
like a joke without humour -
whether it is just a passing pleasure...
to steal a heart for his immense pleasure?

Sometimes i wonder...
i most foolishly wonder...

My Little Valentine,

Today i choose to remember -
that sweet little girl from SMCC,
that little gem of my heart -
who is the apple of her daddy's eye...

i remember teaching you all the skills:
cooking, cleaning, mopping and car-washing -
and both of us doing it together,
and i remember laughing at all your little pranks...
and i remember teaching you cursive writing,
and this is what i got, in cursive:

"Thank you for being there when i needed you most -
for being my rock when i should have been yours;
thank you for believing in me, even when i doubted myself,
thank you for being the one person i could trust;
no matter what, no matter where,
but most of all thank you for being my mum -
a mum i am so proud to claim...

You've taught me to be kind'
and to treat people with care -
for that i am very thankful
and very much aware...
when i grow up up -
i want to follow your footsteps
and to be as loving
and caring as you,
when i grow up
i want to follow your footsteps...

I look at you
as a loving person
with hair that's always perfect;
you use no make-up
but there is no need:
you are beautiful without it -
not only on the outside,
but on the inside...

I am happy
when i hear your laughter
the laugh that i hear so often
that tells me everything is okay...
you've taught me to be kind,
and treat people with care -
for that i am very thankful,
and very much aware..."

That's my girl - the gem of my heart:
who shines like the North star on a dark night...
who laughs with me when i am happy,
and cries when i am sad...
that's my little girl - gem of my heart!

I believe in Destiny

Oh, i believe in Destiny,
i believe in fate,
and if something is destined to happen -
then it is fated that it should happen...

For i met a very close friend once -
that i had very much wanted to see:
i was leaving the highlands...
and she was just walking up the hill!
and we came together from opposite directions,
living some 500 miles apart,
though on this same peninsula:
i stayed in the southernmost tip -
while she hies from the northernmost state...
and on Camerons we had met!

Then there was another beloved guy
I'd wanted to meet - after quite many years
we'd lived apart: he was "on one side of the mountain,
and i was on the other side of the hill"...
and to think we had both taken a holiday
each with each's family
and we had met on neutral ground:
at two eateries, side by side!
I had the urge to go out to add to the order -
he had just stepped out to leave, walking to his car...

Thus, i feel, if i wish really, really hard -
and prayed very, very hard, too,
and at times even shed a tear or two:
God would hear my heartache...
and grant me that one fervent wish -
to see a long lost friend - just once...
or to see a most beloved face,
long kept in the distant memories...
to see those that i've loved - just once -
be it just for a few seconds - once...?

For i believe in Destiny...
And i believe beautiful dreams do come true...

A beautiful dream

A beautiful dream - just a beautiful dream -
that's what i once thought it was,
till recently, when that beautiful dream
seems to be just possible - not just a dream...

I had seen that dream before, in a distant land -
and now when i least expect it,
it is here before me - my impossible dream
taking shape... coming true... in real life...

I've always wanted to be able to see
the sea and the sunrise from my home:
to be able to step out of the house -
and there before me, a panoramic view,
that beautiful dream spread out before me,
that one illusive, impossible dream, coming true...

Talking to strangers

I've been talking to strangers, lately
but that's nothing strange, really -
for i've been doing that formerly
whenever i need company, strangely...

For it has always been easier to laugh merrily,
when i talk to strangers, really -
they don't ask prying questions, no, not really,
and are happy with what you care to tell them, actually...

Strangers can make life less complicated, really,
by being able to act and talk superficially, not deeply -
by being good listeners to our grievances, so naturally,
that one lets off more from the heavy chest, so, so easily...

So whenever i have something to straighten out,
i'll be sharing them with strangers, so unreservedly -
whenever i am troubled and need assurance and comforting,
i'll be seen talking to strangers, laughing so light-heartedly -
and this seems to occur more and more repeatedly:
this need to talk to neutral strangers, more so lately...

'coz strangers speak straight from the heart, so sincerely -
and i need not put on a show or up an act - no, not really...

Friends who are dear

Once in a while a good soul comes along,
and steals my heart by being so nice -
and i feel that he is an angel without wings,
but still an angel, no doubts about it...!

For only angels will stay by me -
when i'm in trouble, (or am the cause of trouble);
only an angel cares,
when no one else does...
only an angel will say i'm beautiful -
even if my wings are broken...
to him i'm beautiful -
even if i walk with a great limp...

So i'll treasure all the little angels
that come my way...
and i'll treasure you
my dear, dear friend...

"Hello, is it me"

"Hello, is it really me -
you're looking for...?"
is it really me
you're thinking of...?
Hello...? Hello...?
are you still there -
or is it just me,
who's pining away...?
thinking of you,
and missing you - all day...?

i could look back -
through the pages of time;
i could search around -
till i find the page in mind;
i could play back -
the memories in my mind;
or go through
all the little momentos you left behind...
i could do all these -
but still i wish
that you would call:
"Hello..." seems to be
the sweetest word around...
i'm waiting... by the phone - do call...

Missing you

I am missing you... truly
and the day seems longer,
without a word from you -
life does seem a misery... really

I've been keeping you in sight, lately
following you around in my mind -
driving around, uphill and down,
having your lunch late,
or getting ready for a dinner date...?
going on a picnic, or a field trip,
looking at gray skies, or walking in the rain?
enjoying a brief glimpse of the sun...
or laughing and sharing a joke -
having a drink with friends...perhaps?

And i wonder often -
if you are thinking of me...too?

An 'enemy', too

"Your warm smile fascinates me...!"
i stared at the open letter,
and the words stared back at me:
your warm smile fascinates me!
insisted an 'enemy' from the rival school,
how could a staunch Barian -
have smiled to a Sulaimanian?
and when...?
at 14?
and the 17-year-old 'enemy' said
my warm smile fascinated him?!

Well, our paths did cross:
as i and sis took our daybreak walk,
to the station, half a mile away,
to catch the school bus;
and when i think back...
yes, i do recall, the 'enemy' on his bike
did cross our path,
all dressed in angel white -
(we Barians were in navy blue)
on his way to his elite school...

Early in the morning,
in the semi-darkness;
amidst the dewdrops and vapour drops,
and the fallen petals under my feet:
an angelic smile, he must have imagined,
he must have thought, he saw...?!
and plucked up enough courage,
one day his bike to ride across the road -
a letter to hand, and play his own postman:
i could have died - standing there,
under the yellow tree, on the yellow petals,
staring in dazzed amazement, and embarassment,
at the beautiful floral envelope,
in the enemy's extended hand...!

Thus we had crossed enemy lines,
when a 17-year-old had had the courage to say:
"Your warm smile fascinates me";
thus we had started a friendship,
when the 14-year-old braved herself to reply:
"Thank you, didn't know i was smiling!"
or something to that effect -
that started a friendship, behind enemy lines...!

One in a forest

Oh, i'm just one little tree in the forest,
that wants to grow free -
i stretch my arms out, as far as i could,
to get all the sunshine that i need;
and i spread my roots about,
to drink in all i could;
and often crane my neck high above -
the better, and farther, to see...

Then, one day, as i was tilting my head,
to smile at the sun, savouring his warmth -
something glinted and caught my eye:
and there you were, across the lake,
standing tall, among the reeds,
and you were smiling at me, indeed...!
smiling just for me -
only for me...

All my branches quivered and shook,
as my heart thumped, right down to my roots;
like a shy little plant, i feel i looked:
all jelly, and custard, and sponge and sap,
i lost my bark, and showed my pulp...!
you found me, only you could -
a little heart, in a jungle of shoots,
without having to holler, or to hoot!

I'll remember that smile,
for as long as i could:
it was the smile that warmed my little heart,
it was that smile that stole my heart...