I know we are different - right from the start:
i love poetry - you say that it's much too mushy,
i love to be in the sun - you shy away: much too hot, you say...
i love the sea, such a lovely blue - you ask,'What's there to see?'
i love long walks on the beach - you prefer hilltops, places that are cold...
i love to capture each sunrise - you say it's the best time to rest,
and to curl up in bed - no sunrise, no photos: just rest;
i love the outdoor: camping, outings, and driving around the countryside -
you'ld say: don't feed the mosquitoes; done that; and petrol costs money!
i want to do everything now - as though there is no tomorrow,
you'ld say: what's the hurry - there's always another day, another tomorrow!
i've always been a dreamer - you're always the realist,
i've always been the giver - you take, but would only sparingly give;
i want to go that extra mile: for the less fortunate who come my way -
you say: then, be a social worker and give everything away!
It looks like we've both come from two very different worlds:
that's why we differ so much in the way we both act, and think;
and it looks like we'll never agree on anything at all
just because we were brought up differently, that's all...
'i have to be me, and you have to be you
only then can we be us;'
for so long as you refuse to accept that:
we'll go on arguing and fighting - that's a fact!
but so long as you can accept that we have to be different
then you can have your hilltop, and i'll have my bay...
'Which couple does not fight?' mum would say,
so you must be that missing half:
to balance things up -
whenever i act impossible,
and straighten things a little-
whenever i tilt the scale;
to be the line that holds me back to earth -
whenever i soar too high,
the missing half that i need -
to make me whole again...?!
(So i'm the one who should be feeling thankful -
to be the one you had chosen, the one most blessed...?)
'Which couple does not fight?' mum would say,
ReplyDeleteso you must be that missing half: I concur with this statement as God has made us different. If we were all the same then we shall be like robots. In our differences then only we will be able develop perseverance and patience, learning and accepting and compliment one another for one's wickness could be the strength of another.
Thank you - you really sound very wise, and in our differences, i've developed perseverance ('never say die - up, man, and try!') and tons of patience (and be able to smile in the face of Adversity).
ReplyDeleteYes, you are right again: i've learnt to accept and complement one another for his/her weaknesses and gain strength from them all...
And one more thing i've learnt is never to be judgemental, and not to judge others by just one or two 'encounters', and to make sweeping statements like 'I think/thought you're/were so arrogant!' and to see to it that you lived your arrogance through by quoting prejudiced examples - to cover one's own guilty conscience or anger or displeasure or hatred! (Imagine the regret and remorse or embarassment when you find out later that he/she is far from arrogant but a kind-hearted, warm and helpful friend! You could have kicked yourself many times over! Ha-ha!)
... i had the same opinion of Mr Foo and Miss Padmaja - thought they were aloof -and told him so, straight to the face!
ReplyDeleteImagine how i should have felt when Mr Foo became a family friend (the 'high and mighty' doc made house calls, too!) and Miss Padmaja drove me to walk on the beach and nurse my wounds (while Miss 'high and mighty' sat on a rock nearby, to keep an eye...) Cikgu Zin also took me on a drive to watch the floods (my first time - we were always on high ground, till we had to brave flash floods at our Kuantan home, next to and above the monsoon drain!) at Pulau Kambing and Air Jernih and Losong, i think, (can't be sure - with the smiling but 'aloof' high and mighty no 3 sitting next to me and talking as though we were childhood friends! Ha-ha!) Met another 'high and mighty' Mrs (wife of Dr Dentist Wee)Wee in SSSS - just marched (no, crawled) to the her sc lab one day and told her (while she's teaching) of this urgent need in me: i had tospeak to her! She was a counsellor, and the most sympathetic one, one who listens to the laments of a lost child - a teenager, hurt and snubbed, and innocent of the crimes she's been accused of - and in great need of a friend who would just listen... and she became that friend: she listened to the pourings of the heart of a stranger, lost and all alone, and as sad as one can be (never said a word of all my sufferings to the family -they have enough on their hands to worry... but, somehow, when the same blood coarses thru' their veins - i think they know, they could sense it, and feel the pain - they know)...
So, now you know why i fought hard to champion the weak - starting with Valli, when we were in our primary school:
she had two big bundles of pig tails,
as jet black as her skin;
the other girls called her names
and even pulled her pig tails in glee!
i felt sorry to see her cry
and quietly lent comfort
by being her second friend -
for she had only one other:
a small girl with boyish hair
who, if angered, could also spit fire!
and we fought for each other:
'the good, the bad and the ugly'
we really made a formidable team!
So these are the friends that i keep:
the good, the bad,
the lonely...
and the ugly!
So, i've since then
I had the same first impression of my lecturers when i went to USM: that they are aloof...
ReplyDeleteBut when i got to know them, i find them normal, likeable human beings like the students, too...!
Shahnon Ahmad is a very good example of how succes doesn't go to the head and make it swell too big for the hat...
He is humble, and criticized his own most successful work, Ranjau Sepanjang Jalan, - No Harvest But A Thorn - (i enjoyed it like i do The Good Earth by Pearl S Buck) so that we wouldn't make the same mistakes in our own writing...
We did go to see his home, too, as he had arranged for lunch together, all the five or six of us non-Bumis from his Creative Writing class...
And he was the one who encouraged me to write my first collection of poems as a term paper assignment, and was always singing our praises for being able to write so well in our second/third language...
His Srengenge (and how the life of the villagers dare connected to and how they depend on that mountain for their livehood), gave me a different perspective of hills and mountains...
"Srengenge tersergam hodoh" - but to me they are beautiful! In Kluang, every morning when i wake up and got ready to start the day for school, i'll look out of the window - even in the darked , silhoutted against the night sky...is beautiful! Later, when the rays of the sun filters through the mist and touch the dewdrops on the leaves and blades of grass... beautiful!
I had formed the same first opinion on Fatimah Busu, (Ombak Bukan Biru - the waves are never blue) an impression that she means business and will never forgive a wrong -said this on our first meeting:
ReplyDelete"Tiada maaf bagi mu" and "Tiada esok bagi mu!" seemed rather strict and unforgiving but she was the one who gave me all my A++ and encouraging comments...said my writing is matured and that i should go on writng...
Her room (then)was decorated with woven pandanus mats (she's from Kelantan and loves salted eggs and salted fish like the rest of us in the east coast) and she even had her pet cat with her, rub its back smoothly as she spoke
And one fine day as i was walking to my lecture hall, she passed by on the back a motorbike, and waved at me like old friends - the thick, heavy bundle of braided hair tossing and jumping up and down...! Not a bit aloof or proud, right?
Another two lecturers of USM who became friends and inspired me to write on are En Zainal from the Performing Arts class, and En Zakaria Ali who lectured in my Fine Arts class: both were 'impressed' by my writing and that gave another big boost to the confidence - to write.
ReplyDeleteEn Zainal invited me to his show: the performing arts students were putting up Bangau, Oh Bangau, kenapa... for children.
and he wanted my 'opinion' as a critic (ahem?!) and to watch my reaction to the show. But he was sorely disappointed 'coz i put on a poker face and did not show 'the spontaneous enthusiasm' that he was looking for from his audience! Ha-ha - i never was one to put up such a show - picked the wrong gal for the job! Met all the performing arts students, too, and they are quite a different breed from us - young and full of enthusiasm and admiration for my work...! Even go t a plaque as a souvenir from one of the marines who became a great friend...
En Zakaria Ali was my Fine Art lecturer who praised my writing and called me a 'prolific writer'... He was impressed by Shim's poems and had her diary published in their periodical... Thank you, En Zakaria. i did some translation work for him, too...
Lastly, my classmates (mostly male - i think i was the only non-Bumi lady in the class taking that Creative Writing paper under Shohnon Ahmad) for their encouragement and admiration and i specially wish to thank Charlie Lee Ong Chuan from Kandang, Malacca, and Eh Gie from Kota Bharu, Kelantan, (your Things Fall Apart is still in my safe keeping...!) and Tok from Manir, Trengganu, for their ideas, discussion and comments, without whom i wold never have been able to go on writng as a term paper assignment, instead of just as a hobby or to amuse friends...