If it is to be, it is up to me ...

Is our friendship going to be
like a hair-style that follows the trend?
or is it meant to be
like friendships should have been, dear friend?
Will it grow to be
like an old oak tree, shady and ever green?
will it out-live the sun
and be full of fun?
or will it run like dye
and be like the fly, after a day of living, do die?
Will it be able to stand the lashings of harsh tongues
and sail safely through a hailstorm of norms?
will it be able to bear when friends horn, scoot, and scorn
as our feelings grow strong, wholesome as an acorn?
When that happens, should we stop,
and at the door to our hearts, station a cop?
is it more important, society for to please
or with one's owself, be at peace?
our own feelings, put at ease
to society's wagging tongues, care the least?
But society will not make me turn tail, grow pale, or show my heels
for this is what i feel:
if friendship is to be proven true,
it is up to you;
if friendship is to be,
it is up to me ...

The deal

Shall i spoil the deal

that i will no longer my thoughts reveal?

or shall i keep up with the deal

and not say how i really feel?

Is it wise that i should act cool,

calm as a frozen pool?

of do i discard the warm wool,

and drown in my own tearful pool?

Should i reveal the truth,

nothing but the real plain truth?

or do i go on reeling and raving,

and betray my own true feelings?

Should i live like a martyr,

and die an unhappy hypocrite?

or should i be my own master,

and die 'condemned', but satisfied?

Must i conform,

to social norms?

or do i the world inform

that i'll set new reforms?

But then, do i have a conscience,

that i do return good deeds with ill?

what then, would say my conscience

if i do act so ill?

Long enough ...

I have loved someone long enough -
to forgive any bad thing that he does;
for i have known him long enough -
to know what he did he had done out of love, not lust;
I have nursed a hope long enough -
that one day, on the same path, friends would be cast;
i have cherished a dream long enough -
to wait for it to take shape, and materialise, at last ...
I have realised what i know i must:
that i'll still my life place in his trust;
i have tasted life long enough -
to know that only memories'll last:
When dreams are ground into dust,
and feelings are in moulds of iron cast;
when the world is nothing but decay and rust,
and hope lay like pieces of broken glass ...

A woman's pride

Once i used to treasure -

a woman's pride,

but now i love my friends -

more than my pride;

So, i'll be in Penang -

at high tide,

to see a friend -

to hell with my pride!

Older and wiser

Once i thought a smile is full of warmth -

but now, i might just wonder ...

once i thought people will tell the truth -

but now, i'm apt to ponder ...

once i thought i was a good judge of character -

but now, i'm left to wonder ...

once i thought only pride and principles do matter -

but now, i know i have neither ...

Nothing is the way it seems ...

I was swayed by the moon -
it was so bright i could swoon ...
but realised not quite so soon - it is also shrouded with gloom ...
I will no longer look at the moon -
it reminds me of my wounds ...
of a place beneath the moon -
where lovers come to spoon ...

Conflicting tales

I wish i knew, what's right, what's wrong,

but then, i know i knew what's right and wrong,

it's just that my feelings are still

so strong,

that is what's so wrong,

my feelings - they're still so strong

and memories - they still linger on ...

What's right can be wrong

It wasn't right, it's true

and i shouldn't, i knew

but my feelings are troubled anew

when sunlight cleared the hue, the dew

and singled out a face, among a few ...

when i realised it's you -

memories came flooding back, anew

that self-same smile had memories renewed

and the music played, anew ...

By friendship and morals torn

It's not that i'm apt to feel forlorn -

but coz i'm by friendship and morals torn;

it's not that i'm pricked bya thorn -

but coz misery had my feelings worn;

it's not that i don't grieve for long -

but coz friends demand i bring my smiles along;

it's not that i care no more -

but coz i can't - no, not any more ...

what is there left in life ...?

What is the meaning of life,

if it's nothing but strife upon strife?

what pleasure do i get out of life,

if it's just for fame and wealth to strive?

What care i of riches, power, or fame

when everything's planned, wieghed down and tamed?

If i care for little touches of humanity,

simple pleasures, acts of caring ... and sharing;

if i refuse to conform, and be the same,

am i then considered 'insane' ...?

Now i care not what the world has to say

i'll go on living life my way:

under no pressure will i waver or sway,

my decisions - they're all here to stay

For, knowing that one other heart feels the same way

gives enough courage

and consolation

to make life worth living, again!

life's but a sad, sad, song

Finally ... it came ...:

the end - of all my hopes ...

and all my dreams ...

the final, irretrievable end.

The calm that comes

when the storm of life is gone

when nought's worth fighting for

the calm of acceptance ... the calm of defeat ...

The truth that finally dawned

that life is but a sad, sad, song

that leaves a bitterness so long

after the bitter truth has dawned ...

I'm that little fly

that seeks the warmth of the golden sun

alone against the wrath of the big, big storm

i yearn for the golden clime beyond ...

Now the truth does dawn:

how futile, against such odds to storm

a little heart ... forbidden loves ... forlorn ...

a silent, willess acceptance ... to conform ...?

How futile to fly against the storm:

my little limbs are worn; my little wings all torn;

in silence i fold my battered wings ... to concorm ...?

in calm silence i await the bitter dawn ...